Internet Housecleaning: Or How to Deal with Online Pests

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Sol Luckman

Welcome to my world
Please make yourself comfortable
I should explain
This isn’t a free speech platform
It isn’t the public square
Or the town hall
It’s no free-for-all
It’s not your channel
And it’s no place to bare all

As in the Good Lord’s
There are many rooms
Called YouTube, Substack, Spotify
And many other catchy names
That defy
Rhyme or reason
While somehow being pleasing

So don’t accuse me of treason
If I treat MY HOUSE
As any responsible homeowner should
By keeping it clean
Of disrespect, ingratitude and bad attitudes
And showing any and all
Trolls on the Payroll
And any other wise guys who sully my floor
Like pets that haven’t been house-trained

People think that just
Because they can
They should voice their opinions
With no tact and less decorum
With no understanding
And apparently no attempt to understand
Are these NPCs or just holier-than-thou unibrows
Acting like they were raised by wolves
Except wolves are much more polite
And seem a great deal smarter

Criticism is rarely constructive
If it leads with itself
That’s usually a sign of a bloated ego
Showing its true colors
Talking before thinking
And thinking before feeling
With most of its ideas
Acquired by stealing
Begging the question
Why be holistic
When it pays to be simplistic

And if you really want to create
A recipe for social paralysis
Never, ever allow content creators to fail
Or better yet
Never allow them to attempt to succeed
Keep them in little mental boxes
In constant fear of your
Imminent disdain and disapproval
But there’s a remedy for all that
I’ve discovered in my time online
Called permanent removal (aka lifetime ban)

I welcome questioners
I welcome inquirers
I welcome debaters
But there’s no place
None whatsoever
None at all
For insinuators
No place for deniers
No place for haters
Within the sovereign territory

Here’s a little challenge
If you’re one of those inclined
To forever look down your nose
At people with a different perspective
Try saying to the face of someone, anyone
The venomous words you write
Armored behind your keyboard
Bored out of your gourd
And see how long you last
And on your two feet

If you can’t or wouldn’t
Say it to someone in person
Why in God’s name
Would you think it’s okay
To write it online
That’s just outwardly cowardly
And inwardly craven
Nevermore, quoth the raven, adding
Don’t let the door slap your backside
On your way out

Copyright © Sol Luckman. All Rights Reserved.

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Alter Ego

Sol Luckman is a pioneering ink and acrylic painter whose work has been featured on mainstream book covers, the fast-paced trading game BAZAAR, and at least one tattoo on a female leg last sighted in Australia. Sol is also an acclaimed author of fiction, nonfiction, and humor.

His nonfiction books include the newly released manifestation guide PLAYING IN THE MAGIC; the international bestselling classic CONSCIOUS HEALING, which you can read free online; and its popular sequel, POTENTIATE YOUR DNA, available in English, Spanish and (soon) French.

Sol’s visionary novel SNOOZE: A STORY OF AWAKENING, the coming-of-age tale of one extraordinary boy’s awakening to the world-changing reality of his dreams, won the 2015 National Indie Excellence Award for New Age Fiction.

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Written with young adult and young-at-heart readers in mind, SNOOZE further proved its literary merit by being selected as a 2016 Readers’ Favorite International Book Award Finalist in the Young Adult-Coming of Age category and receiving an Honorable Mention in the 2014 Beach Book Festival Prize competition in the General Fiction category.

Building on this deep dive into lucid dreaming, parallel universes and Hindu mysticism, Sol’s new novel, CALI THE DESTROYER—a page-turner of a sci-fi tale set in an Orwellian future seeded in the dystopian present that radically rewrites Gnosticism as well as the origins of the earth and humanity—was selected as Winner of the 2022 NYC Big Book Award and 2022 National Indie Excellence Award for Visionary Fiction, Silver Medalist for Visionary Fiction in the 2022 Readers’ Favorite International Book Award Contest, Finalist in both the New Age and Visionary Fiction categories of the 2021 International Book Awards, Finalist in both the Paranormal/Supernatural and Fantasy categories of the 2022 IAN Book of the Year Awards, and Distinguished Favorite for Audio Fiction in the 2022 NYC Big Book Awards.

Sol’s popular book of humor and satire, THE ANGEL’S DICTIONARY: A SPIRITED GLOSSARY FOR THE LITTLE DEVIL IN YOU, received the 2017 National Indie Excellence Award for Humor and was selected as a Finalist in the Humor category of both the 2018 International Book Awards and the 2018 Best Book Awards.

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